Is the Era of Passing Down Generational Wisdom Gone?
By Sharmila Perera, RCIC | Ann Arbour Consultants Inc.
Every parent, in every generation, gets pushed back on. It usually starts around the teenage years. The child wants independence, wants to be heard, wants to assert their rights. That part is as old as time, and honestly, I think it is healthy.
But I have been thinking a lot lately about what happens after that, and whether something has changed that we are not talking about.
Brown parents and the Western world
Most of us who are brown parents are, let’s be honest, in our children’s faces well into their adult lives. We want to be involved in everything. Are you home? Did you eat? Why are you doing it that way? Let me tell you what you should do.
Now bring that family to the Western world. We stay brown. We keep our brown beliefs and traditions and our “this is how we did it” attitude. Our children, meanwhile, grow up in a culture built on independence. The distance between those two worlds can get very wide, very fast, and the struggle gets harder, not easier.
What my generation had
Up until my generation, the wisdom of the elders was golden. Our parents and grandparents taught us how to hold and care for a baby. They had a say in how we raised our kids, what to do when someone was sick, how to handle money and what careers we should choose. Their influence did not stop when we grew up. Even when we reached the ripe young age of 50, our parents still had a voice in our lives.
And we wanted them to. We loved sitting around with our grandparents, listening to their stories, playing games with them. Even as teenagers. We let them into our lives.
Did our parents cross the line sometimes? Of course they did. Did we fight for our independence too? Yes. I have had some big fights with my own parents. But the relationship survived. Why it survived then, and why it so often does not now, is a question for another day.
Today
Today, I honestly think the era of taking advice from parents is fading. We have social media. We have AI. We have information at our fingertips and a Google doctor for every symptom. Google is smarter, ChatGPT is better, and the tried and practiced methods our elders carried in their heads and hands may disappear with this generation.
There is a thin line between being there for your adult children and being too much, and I do not think most parents know where that line is. Should I call or should I not? Is this too much? Is this too little? That question sits in so many parents’ minds.
The conversations that surprised me
I have started having real conversations with parents whose children are 15 and older. I was not prepared for how many of them have estranged children. Some have not spoken to their son or daughter in months. Some in years. And at the heart of it, again and again, is that same fine, blurry line.
It is sad for both sides. The parent is hurting. The child, I believe, is missing something too, even if they cannot say it yet.
Children should have their parents for life
I believe children should have access to their parents their whole lives, not just while they are small. And grandchildren should have access to their grandparents. I cannot imagine my life if I didn’t have my parents in it. I also cannot imagine my parents living without me, my brother and their grandchildren.
In many cultures, even now, generations live together. They help each other in good times and in hard ones. Nobody has to be alone.
Round Table discussions in Durham Region
Recently I attended a round table discussion on building communities in Durham Region. Health professionals, city councillors, planners and others were in the room. The main concern was that we are building isolated communities. Our elderly are lonely and longing for company while our young people are isolated, tied to their devices, with little contact with anyone older.
Food For Thought
Think about how much better, and how much more affordable, it would be to build communities that support both the old and the young at the same time. The US Surgeon General has warned that social isolation carries a risk of early death similar to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Mental health struggles are a growing concern at every age.
Whether we like to admit it or not, “together” is always better. But we need to bring back tolerance, communication, conflict resolution and commitment to relationships, things that are disappearing as fast as AI and technology arrive. Sometimes it is better to go a little backward instead of zooming forward at the speed of lightning.
Thoughts?